Wednesday Afternoon Ramblings

I’m not sure if this is a good or bad thing, but I feel like a kid most of the time.  When I’m standing in front of a class full of students, I often think, “What in the world makes me think I’ve got the right to pretend like I’m an expert in anything?”  In social circles, even if I’m not the youngest, I often feel like I’m the least in seniority of anyone there, and when around my peers, I rarely feel as if my maturity level is as well-developed as theirs.

On the plus side, I still have childlike wonder about things that I enjoy. Because I often feel young, I rarely feel old, which I’m certain is a good thing.  Despite the aches and pains in my physical self, my spirit is still vibrant and positive, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.

On the down side, I often defer to others because I so often feel as if their maturity and judgment must be better than mine.  Despite having experienced and overcome a lot of obstacles in my life, I still don’t feel as if I’ve earned the right to consider myself wise.  I often wonder if I’ll ever feel like an adult, if there will ever come a day when I look at myself and see a grown man instead of a kid.  Does anyone else feel this way?  If so, please leave a comment and share your experience with this feeling.

4 thoughts on “Wednesday Afternoon Ramblings”

  1. Man, I felt lke this for years. I wondered if other people felt the same way or if they just sort of “got it”. My wife feels this way all the time too. She talks about it a great deal.
    I have finally gotten to feel a little different, but it’s like you said – as I have felt more “mature” (for lack of a better term) I have also lost some of my youthful enthusiasm, which has not been a good thing. I hesitate to call it maturity, because knowing who you are, what you are into and being transparent about that is pretty darn mature.

  2. Arthur and I are in hysterics over the picture lol. Quiet as it’s kept, I am sure you are in good company. I think alot of people feel this way but don’t say it for fear of ridicule. Case in point, look how many adults love Twilight and Harry Potter.

    At 42, I am still an avid fan of kid’s movies, stuffed animals and cartoons. My inner child is very much alive and I welcome her presence as she balances out the heavy concerns of adulthood. True, I don’t yet think of myself as wise but I leave that for my golden years. For now, I am content to say that I am a wisdom seeker and embrace the journey. “Youth is wasted on the young.”

  3. Mr.Adams,
    As a former student of yours, I have to just say that I think you’re a wonderful and very caring teacher. You have all the right in the world to consider yourself as somewhat of an expert in your field!I praise you for your effort in what you do. Your love and desire for what you do shows everytime you get up in front of your class. I hope you will get to spend more time with your boys,but meanwhile, rest assured in the fact that I have seen your face light up when you talked about them so it’s obvious that they know how much you love them! See ya, Nicole Bounds

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