Late Night Ramblings

Sometimes, I feel as if every decision of my life has been wrong.  I question going to college when I had the opportunity to run a fairly successful business my father owned.  Instead of a mountain of student loan debt, I could possibly still have that business.  I question attending Memphis.  I question studying writing.  I outright regret attending graduate school.  All of these decisions have hampered my professional career and left me little more than a second class citizen in a nation that only rewards greed and corruption.

I married the wrong woman and then compounded that mistake by staying in the marriage much too long.  I love my children and wouldn’t trade them for anything, but the marriage was a mistake and has hampered every aspect of my life to this day.  I also regret how I handled my divorce, conceding way too much and leaving myself with too few rights as far as my children are concerned.  I also regret not taking the first two years after the divorce, staying alone, and healing.

I question my decision to teach for Tusculum, to teach period, but especially for them.  Simply put, they are a terrible school that treats their faculty like dirt.  I regret wasting my youth on them.  I also question my decision to return to education after I had escaped.  WSCC is a good school, but I’m no longer happy teaching and wish I had done something else.

I question my decision to self-publish.  I can’t really say it’s amounted to anything other than a few good friends and a handful of good memories.  Financially, it was a disaster.  Given the opportunity to go back, I probably wouldn’t do it over.

In short, just about every major decision of my life has been wrong in one way or another.  I feel like a fool of the grandest scale and also feel like I can’t trust my own judgment.

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