Friday Morning Ramblings

A pic from one of our first weeks together.

Dear sons, one day, I hope you’ll look back at these posts and know what a profound impact you had on my life.  Even though I was 31 when Collin was born, I didn’t really become a man until that day, and being your father has been the most important role of my existence.  None of the professional accomplishments measure up to the satisfaction of those times I’ve gotten to keep you guys for a week or two at a time.  To this day, my proudest achievement is the first time I kept you boys alone for that 11 or 12 day stretch, feeding you every meal, bathing you each night, and getting you to sleep.  Collin, you were 4, and Finn, you were not yet 2.  Being able to care for you by myself and keeping you safe and healthy for that long made me feel better about myself as a person than anything before or since.

Life without you hasn’t always been easy.  When you are in Florida and we have months to go before we’ll see each other again, I miss you more than words could ever express, but all I have to do is think about the times we’ve spent together, and I smile.  There’s a moment with each trip after we’ve endured the long drive and gotten settled at home, when you boys start running around and playing with all of the toys you haven’t seen in months.  At some point, you both start laughing, and that sound soothes and heals me more than anything.  On my hardest days, the memories of your laughter get me through the darkest moments.

My only real regret in life is that I’m not able to have you guys more often or for longer periods.  So far, circumstances have prevented that from being a realistic possibility, and while I love talking to you on the phone, it isn’t a good enough substitute for holding you, hugging you, and seeing you with my own eyes.  My biggest goal in life is to have more time together, and I promise that I’m working as hard as I can to make that a reality.  Please, don’t ever think, even for a moment, that I don’t want to spend more time with you because there is not one second of my life that I don’t miss you boys and wish we were together.  One day, you’ll be old enough to understand the logistics of making even one trip happen, but until that day, I hope you know in your hearts that Daddy would trade everything for more time with you.

I love you guys and can’t wait to see you again.

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