Nu Edgykashun Policies

Committed to excellense

Merica is the greatest country on earth, and we at the Bureau for Educational Bureaucracy are committed to providing the highest quality of education to our great nation that supports our troops.  The following are new guidelines to improve educational efficiency:

1) Students are hereby known as Customers.

2) Customers are always right, so A’s all around.

3) The term “teacher” is hereby banned from usage in all educational institutions.  Educators are now referred to as Customer Service Representatives, effective immediately.

4) Free thought is code for socialism.  We’ll tell you what to think through Common Core.

5) All Customers and Customer Service Representatives shall recite the new Pledge of Allegiance daily:

I pledge allegiance to the logos
Of the Corporations of America
And to the CEO’s for which they stand
One nation, UNDER GOD,
With liberty and justice
For those who can afford it.
Amen, IN GOD WE TRUST!

6) YouTube and video games are more effective educators than customer service representatives.

7) Customer Service Representatives are not content experts.  All Common Core curriculum will be developed by professional administrators and delivered top-down.

These guidelines are for your protection and are not to be broken or disobeyed for any reason. The BEB is a subsidiary of Government, Inc.  No part of this transmission may be duplicated without expressed, written consent from our corporate headquarters.

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