The Hardest Piece I’ve Ever Written

DSC_0968mc
For some of you, this post will prove to be quite a shock, while others already know some of the details. On April 6, 2015, I was arrested on one count of aggravated statutory rape. For the last 15 months, I have been incarcerated in the Hamblen County Jail. On Thursday, July 14, 2016, I agreed to a “Best Interest” plea bargain, which means that I do not admit guilt but accepted the lesser charge of statutory rape in lieu of risking a harsher sentence and possibly time in prison. From that plea bargain, I am now a registered sex offender. I would prefer you to hear it from me directly than from elsewhere.

I’ve had ample time to reflect, gather my thoughts, and contemplate this entire situation. To dispose of the obvious, jail sucks. The privations and unsanitary conditions are grossly inhumane, an inherent byproduct of overcrowding and underfunding. The noisome environment goes beyond anything reasonable for administering punishment. For my part, I have no interest in reliving the worst of the ordeal, so please, do not ask for details. I will not discuss what I endured during my durance, so please, respect my privacy on that subject. I survived and ultimately that’s all that matters.

Now, to dispense with the negative. Because of the accusation, the arrest, and now the plea bargain, I’ve lost many people who were precious to me–family, friends, a woman I loved very much, my sons. There are people who have spread outright lies about the situation, exaggerating my charge to monstrous proportions. There are those who rushed to judgment based on sensationalized media reports and gossip, and those who believe I was not punished harshly enough. I have no control over any of that. All I can do is live my life to the best of my ability and conduct myself in a manner which exemplifies the content of my heart. I wish nothing malevolent on anyone. There are people I hope to rebuild a relationship with and others who are permanently erased from my life, but for my part, I am trying not to carry any animosity in my heart towards anybody.

To the people who have reserved judgment or checked on my well-being or sent kind words of encouragement, from the deepest part of my soul, you have my eternal love and gratitude. To the handful or so who took the time to send me letters and let me know that I was in your thoughts and prayers, I owe you a debt I can never repay, for you will probably never know just how much your words meant to me.

To everyone, I apologize for putting myself in a position even to be accused of this crime. While I still maintain my innocence of the sex crime, I made stupid decisions and showed terrible judgment by allowing myself to be in a situation where the accusation had even a hint of credibility. I do accept responsibility for all of the hurt, embarrassment, friction, confusion, and anxiety I have caused the people who love and care for me. Even though I know some people will never forgive me or believe in me again, I do hope that some of you will allow me an opportunity to redeem myself and prove the true content of my character.

Fifteen months in a tiny cell allows for plenty of introspection, and the most important realization I gleaned during this time is that I have allowed anger and acrimony to control too much of my life for the last 8-9 years. Over the past few months, I have labored diligently to let go of the negative. That’s not to say that anger doesn’t bubble up. It most certainly does. I cannot control whether or not the emotion surfaces; however, I can control how I react to it and whether or not I allow it to control me. My life has been spent in service to others, and I want to be remembered not only as a talented writer but more importantly as a compassionate person full of love and kindness. Anger does not fit into that equation, and holding onto it will only destroy the man I truly am, so a I strive daily to let it go.

A long, steep, difficult climb awaits me. My name and reputation are ruined; of that I have no delusions. There are many fences I must mend and much, much work to catch up on. Living in compliance with the registry will not be easy, but I will make every effort to abide within those parameters. If you are someone who does not want me to be part of your life, please just tell me. I have no desire to make anyone uncomfortable or to impose myself on where I’m not wanted. At this point, my top priority is to rebuild the relationship with my sons. Beyond that, I also hope to get my health in order and reclaim something of my tattered career. I have no idea what the future may hold for me, but I intend to face it with as much courage and dignity as I can muster.

44 thoughts on “The Hardest Piece I’ve Ever Written”

  1. Continue writing Alex…. It is good for the soul. I pass no judgement on you or any person. You were my friend and that remains the same.

  2. It’s not my place to pass judgement. I had noticed you disappeared and only recently read comments on one of your pages explaining a little of what has been going on. I hope things get better for you and you are able to move forward. Stay strong and keep writing!

  3. I am so glad to hear that you are okay. I have worried and prayed for your well being. I was not sure what happened but I am glad to know you are okay. Always know I will be a friend to the end.

  4. Alex,
    I pray for you and children to heal your relationship. I can’t imagine what you are going through. Please know you remain in my prayers always. We have always been friends and always will remain. I send my love my dear friend.

  5. Happy to see that you are out and able to try to rebuild your life. I do not judge and I pray that you can get back with your sons. You are still one of my all time favorite Professors! πŸ™‚

    1. I agree with Derick! Very happy to hear from you professor Adams. Praying for you and looking forward to seeing where life takes you. Still one of my favorite professors also!

  6. Alex, I’m glad u are doing ok!! I have heard different things about your situation. It is not my place to judge you. I have known you over 40 years we where friends before this and we will are friends now. I am praying for you to regain your life back. I wish you the best of luck!!

  7. Happy to hear from you my former teacher and current friend. I didn’t know how to reach you, but did have a brief text conversation with your dad. Onward and upward.

  8. You’re wonderful, and I miss seeing you in the halls at work. Keep in contact and let me know if you ever need anything. I am happy to serve as a reference and a friend any time at any point in your life.

  9. You pop into my head from time to time and I’d wondered how you were doing since I hadn’t read anything from you on your blog or Facebook. Did not know about jail time. Sorry to hear how things have been going for you. I hope this is a turning point in your life and things only go up from here.

  10. Alex, I had no idea about any of this, and honestly don’t know what to say. Except that I continue to hold you in appreciation, friendship, and respect for your honesty and openness here. You’re in my prayers, that good things and healing will come in place of these darker circumstances. Be strong, Alex.

  11. Alex I know nothing of your situation except what you have written. I wondered what had happened to you as I had seen no postings from you on Facebook. Alex I don’t know what happened but I know that Jesus forgives any sins. Whether these are real or imposed on you from a situation, we are not your judge nor your jury. Only God has that right. Take some time to heal and get your life back together. I wish you much luck and happiness. It’s funny, even now, I am proofing this message thinking “did I miss a comma, did I miss sentence structure?” You were a great teacher and writer. Don’t lose sight of that.

  12. Jesus said ” He who hath no sins cast the first stone” and everyone walked away. This trial will truly make you a stronger and more compassionate person who can now be a help to other people who struggle. Keep Faith.

  13. I don’t know you personally but I am not here to judge. My faith only allows one judge and jury. From personal experience, I know there are two sides to every story. I am sorry this happened to you and all involved. It is going to be a long haul for you because people are not so forgiving. Just take one day at a time and do the best you can with it. No one can ask more of themselves then that. Good luck to you.

  14. What I know about these things is that they are complicated and rarely what they seem. I also know the person you have shown me to be and I still believe in the integrity of that person. Please include me in your correspondence. I did ask about you through a mutual friend a few times, not sure if you were told. You can reach me directly at copybob@sbcglobal.net

  15. This took a great deal of courage to write. We thank you.

    Now focus on those beautiful children.

    Chin up. You got this.

  16. Still one of my favorite professors also! And I’m very glad to hear you are out and able to continue your life. I will continue praying for you professor Adams! Can’t wait to read more from you and see where life takes you .

  17. You were in my prayers. I knew you were innocent and Dagan kept me posted. I know we’ve had our differences, but I have always cherished what we had. Take the time to heal and know you have lots of supporters who believe in you.

  18. I’ve been around you enough over the years to get a sense of who you are, and I like the person I know. We all have troubles sometimes, and I’m sorry yours have been so difficult. I’m glad to see the encouraging posts on this page. I look forward to reading more of your work. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help. I have a range of skills that might help you in some of the things you’re trying to accomplish. I also have random information and a knack for coming up with alternate ideas that occasionally work. : )

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s