Tag Archives: health

Saturday Night Ramblings – 10/14/2017

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For most of this week, a nasty viral infection knocked me out of commission. The lymph node on the right side of my jaw swelled up to about the size of a golf ball, and the pain from that was pretty severe. I’m on the mend,​ thankfully, and was able to get back to work today, but the illness put me pretty far behind where I want to be on clearing the new section of vineyard.

I’ve gotten back the first set of edits from my editor, so the book is that much closer to coming to life. Also, he is pleased with the quality of this book. Now that I’m getting over the infection, I will get on my part of the polishing. Sometime this coming week, I will reveal the cover, which is absolutely gorgeous and exactly what I want for the final installment of this series.

Finally, today my beloved Memphis Tigers knocked off the #25 Naval Academy. For the first time in team history, the Tigers have defeated two ranked opponents in the same season and have now beaten three consecutive ranked foes. When I was a student there, we were pretty much a basketball school, and I never dreamed I would see the day that we would legitimately be the best college football program in the state of Tennessee. Go Tigers go!

That’s all for now.

A New (Old) Approach

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I’ll be honest. I never could get my heart into the last blog format. While I love making the Professor Write videos and plan to develop more, the effort at the blog just didn’t work for me, and as a result, this site has been neglected for the last couple of months. That’s unacceptable, so I’m trying a new direction.

Well, if you’re paying attention, actually an old direction.

I’m going back to the original Ramblings of D.A. Adams style, where I chronicle my day to day adventures and write about whatever strikes my fancy that day. I’ll keep you updated on the progress of book five. Currently the rough draft is over halfway complete. Not sure about a timetable for a launch yet because there’s still too much editing and polishing to go, but soon. I promise. Soon.

I’ll also try to inspire you with my efforts to rebuild my life, and I’ll post regular updates on my physical fitness journey as I continue to recover from the neurological condition that knocked me down a couple of years ago. Right now, I physically feel healthier than I have in years and am approaching 100 pounds lost.

I also have a new book about to launch. It’s a humorous look at life in jail. So far, the feedback on the manuscript is that it’s laugh-out-loud funny, so I’m excited for it to hit the market. In the next couple of weeks, I’ll share the cover and a brief preview.

The last few months have been quite a journey. I got rather close with a friend and thought we were possibly building a real relationship, but it fell apart. The experience taught me that I’m simply not ready to be involved with anyone yet. From everything I’ve experienced, I have too many scars and too many wounds that haven’t fully healed. Unfortunately, I lost a friend in the process, but maybe time will mend that fence.

Despite that setback, life is still pretty good. I’m glad to be healthy and productive again, and each day I’m moving another inch forward. I hope you’ll check back often as The New Ramblings of D.A. Adams kicks into gear. There’s still a long, steep climb ahead, but I believe I’m up to the challenge.

That’s all for now.

 

 

About Time

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I fully admit and accept that it’s rather cliche for someone who has been incarcerated to wax poetic about time, but in my experience on this earth, nothing brings it into such sharp focus quite so well. There is our measurement of time–the seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, and years we use to mark its passage. This artificial system, though imperfect and dynamic according to the laws of physics, serves it purpose of keeping our minds grounded in the present while still allowing us to consider the past and future. We need this system, else many of us would slip into madness as time flowed forever onward. But the system is not the thing itself, merely our tool for counting it.

Then, there is our perception of time, an inconstant and capricious master that drives our every waking moment. During joyful moments, time seems to fly as the old saying goes, while during the difficult experiences it can seem nearly to stop. In jail, one single night can feel like a veritable lifetime as the seconds crawl along. Much more so than our system for measuring it, our perception of time is dynamic and pliable to the whims of circumstance. But still, our perception is not the thing itself.

Time itself flows forward, inexorable and implacable as it goes. Time cares nothing for circumstance or systems of measurement. It merely is, and whether we like it or not, whether we accept it or not, time moves in one direction, only in that direction, and only at a constant rate. You cannot recapture yesterday, and you cannot fast forward to tomorrow. If you are alive on this planet, you must endure the relentless flow of time one moment to the next. Learning and accepting this fact can be the most important thing you ever do for yourself.

Regardless of my circumstances or what I choose to do, today will slip away. If I’m mired in an unpleasant situation, I can choose to sit by passively and wait for it to pass, and it will, though what about my circumstances have really changed? Have I learned anything? Grown as a person? Changed my perception? Or am I merely allowing time to flow by as I hope for something positive to happen?

If time is going to pass regardless, then I will use my moments to pursue actively those things I desire. Do I really want to lose weight? I can find 30 minutes in each day to walk if I choose to. Do I truly want to improve my vocabulary? There is time if I take advantage of the moments. Am I stuck in a suffocating relationship? What will change if I don’t utilize time to my advantage and find a way out of those circumstances? Whatever it is, the time is going to pass whether I take action or not, so I am much better off using time to improve something about myself, and if I make small incremental changes every single day, over the course of weeks and months, I will see the benefits of those choices.

That is what I’ve learned about time.

Yet Another Venting

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I don’t want this post to come across as self-pity because I don’t mean it as such. I’m simply trying to sort through my circumstances and make a little sense out of my life as it currently stands. Right now, the only word that comes to mind is disenfranchised. I feel completely and utterly powerless to impact my own future. With this illness, I can’t fend for myself, and our disability system is a travesty. Civilized societies wouldn’t treat sick pets as poorly as we treat our disabled. Our elected officials are worthless except for photo ops, sound bytes, and empty promises they have no intention of ever fulfilling, and the entire system seems rigged against people like me.

I’m sick of conservatives and their hypocritical phrases like class warfare and entitlements. I’m sick of their willful ignorance of science and reason, their disdain for intellectual progress, and their active defense of overt racism. Their perverse need to punish underprivileged people is a huge part of why I’ve been left with no healthcare and virtually no income for eight months, a timeframe that could’ve allowed me to already be on the road to full recovery and a return to productivity. Instead, I’ve needlessly suffered through months of spasms, fatigue, pain, and shame.

Not that liberals are any better. I’m just as sick of their perverse need to punish me for being a white, heterosexual male, as if my very existence is to blame for the world’s problems. Because of some imaginary privilege I’ve supposedly enjoyed my entire life, my circumstances aren’t worthy of note. My suffering isn’t as real as some other group’s. That dehumanizing way of thinking is the root of most ill done in society, and I’m sick of being made to feel as if my voice and my life are insignificant.

This shame and embarrassment I feel for what my life has become weighs on me every second of every day. I was a good teacher, but the stress and toll of that career is a big part of why I’m broken down now. My writings currently have 98 five-star reviews on Amazon (out of 166 total reviews), but I can’t sell more because I don’t have the money to advertise enough to reach a wider audience. All of my hard work feels like failure because I’ve been reduced to begging for help from family, friends, and even strangers. I would not wish this situation on my worst enemy, and I’m trying to get through it with a shred of sanity and dignity left, but every single day, my hope for tomorrow dims a little more.

I’m tired of feeling disenfranchised, of feeling worthless, of feeling insignificant. A person’s life shouldn’t be reduced to this sorry state. The part of me that put myself through school and juggled two and three jobs over the years wants to fight my way out of this predicament, but my body simply won’t allow it. And I’m not even going to get into how badly I miss my sons and how badly my pride as a father has been damaged by my inability to be active in their lives. That part is simply too painful to discuss. For now, all I can do is try to hang on for another day, but the view from down here is mighty bleak.

Disability Appeal Update

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Here’s an update on my situation. The last few weeks of winter have been fairly difficult. The severe cold temps have made my symptoms flare up just as bad as before, so all of my gains from the paleo program have been wiped out. I’m not giving up on the dietary changes, and I’m hoping warmer weather will bring about some improvements to my health.

My appeal for disability has been filed, and my information has all been sent to the attorney’s office, so hopefully there will be some movement on that front soon. On a related note, anyone who has known me since before all of this started, if you would be willing to write a letter on my behalf describing the diminished capacity you have witnessed, please contact me. I need all of the evidence I can get.

In case you missed it, I have a new release that came out Saturday. The Unquenchable Fire is a novella for the Outlaws of Fiction and the first release of the Sam Skeen saga.

I still need to raise more funds to get through the next couple of months. The brutal cold made me turn on the electric heaters along with the wood stove, so my upcoming electric bill is going to be pretty steep. If you can please help out by donating or sharing the link around, I would be most grateful.

Once again, thank you to everyone for the love and support you have shown. It’s truly kept me from sinking into utter despair, but as long as you all believe in me, I will continue to fight and scrap to regain my health.

Just for fun, here’s a pic from a photo shoot we did before the symptoms got the better of me:

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This Country Sucks

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This will be my last post for awhile, maybe ever. I got turned down for disability. Somehow, I have to find a way to go back to work and find a job I can do in this condition. I will still try to finish book five one day, but I have no idea when or how. I’m grateful for everyone who has shown me kindness and love over the years. Even in this really dark moment, I know I’m blessed to have all of you.

Another Venting

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I have tried to convey my gratitude for everyone who has helped me through this extremely difficult period. Without everyone’s help, whether it was donating to the GoFundMe campaign or just checking on me occasionally, I don’t know where I would be right now. It’s humbling and inspiring to know just how many real friends I have. While I’m not even close to 100%, more like a little above 50%, I do feel like I’m getting better. In just two weeks, my body feels much different than it did before, and while the neurological symptoms haven’t completely eased off, I am moving better and have more energy than I’ve had in a long time. It’s good to feel an upswing to my health.

But here’s where I need to vent because I’ve held this in for too long.

To all of my so-called friends who never once bothered to check on me, please do not bother now that I feel a little better. To the people who couldn’t see fit to make any effort to help me in my greatest time of need, please do not act surprised when I am no longer a part of your life. To those who used the opportunity to kick me once again while I was down, you had best brace for the sting. To the people who wrote me off as a lost cause, surprise emmeffers. There’s still plenty of fight in these old bones. To those who made insincere gestures or empty promises, you had best believe I will remember that you don’t really have my back. I will remember my real friends. I will remember those who cared about me at my weakest and most vulnerable. Those of you who didn’t will not share in my future triumphs, of that you can be certain.

I’m not back yet, not fully. My coordination is still off, my legs still bother me to no end, and the spasms still hit me off and on. But I am on my way back. This little illness is not enough to break me. I’m D.A. Adams, and I’ve just begun to kick ass.